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May. 2nd, 2013

A Must Read: "I'm Still Here: Back Online After a Year Without the Internet"

You really should read this article.  It's fantastic and I truly identified with the author.

http://www.theverge.com/2013/5/1/4279674/im-still-here-back-online-after-a-year-without-the-internet

Again, I have to say that it's fantastic.  The internet really keeps us connected like never before.  So the whole purpose was that the author decided to go off the internet grid and he was going to see what a fantastic difference it made in his life.  It made a difference in the beginning but towards the end of the year, he realized just how much of a benefit the internet was to keep him connected to those around us.  There is an awesome quote in the article: "But then I spoke with Nathan Jurgenson, a ‘net theorist who helped organize the conference. He pointed out that there's a lot of "reality" in the virtual, and a lot of "virtual" in our reality."


I'll be honest,the main reason why I got back online and restarted my Facebook and got a twitter account was because I was/am lonely.  I really don't interact with people outside of my family on a day to day basis.  I've lost touch with a lot of friends over the years due to moves and what not.  And being a former military spouse, I didn't really want to plant roots anywhere because eventually we would move or they would move.  It was that fear that held me back.  Now I'm approaching my 33rd birthday and I'm feeling the heaviness of keeping myself closed off for so long.  Heck I completely ignored people that cared about me for a good two years.  I was a bad friend,.  I admit it.

It stared with my husband deploying as a contractor overseas.  This time there was no FRG (Family Readiness Group) to support me.  My local friends had husbands who were around majority of the time.  I had one friend whose husband did the sound for a big deal rock band so she understood the not having your husband home bit but not the whole "my husband is in constant danger" part of it.  The women I made friends with in the military had all moved out of state because the post our unit was stationed at decided to move the entire aviation division down to Texas.  So really, there wasn't anyone around who really understood and I started to close myself off.  This lasted a good two years.  The year he was gone and a year after he came home.  I only recently started to come out of my (for lack of better word) depression and now am reaping what I sowed.

I'm still feeling it though.  But part of me trying to get back into socializing and reconnecting started with reactivating my Facebook account.  I left it dormant for a VERY long time.  The relationships aren't the same and I know I missed so much of peoples lives.

But this has all been a learning process for me.  I've learned a lot about myself in the last few months.  I have a HUGE fear of rejection that's why I don't like to put myself out there.  I'm lazy (don't tell my husband I admitted that).  I have a craving for people. I fear them rejecting me but I want their friendship and acceptance anyway.  I realize that I'm a strange individual and that can turn people off to me.  I don't share a lot of things because I don't like to feel like I'm being judged.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am weird for a Christian. I'd classify myself as a liberal Christian.  I'll talk to you about my beliefs but I'm not going to judge you for your "sins".  We all have our shortcomings.  Some have more than others.  I do know that I like to love on people.  I have a desire to make people happy and it makes me happy to know that maybe I brightened someones day.  I've always been a giver and I think that's another reason I stepped back for a while. I got burnt out with people needing me and expecting that I would do things because I am a giver and I like to make people happy.  People started to disappoint me too.  Forgetting about me, breaking promises, etc.  So I got tired of people and decided that I didn't need people anymore, convinced myself that since I was the only one I could truly depend on, that I didn't need anyone else.  Yeah I realize now that I wasn't in a healthy mindset.  That I was probably being influenced by forces outside myself.  When I was in that season, I couldn't see it and it's a constant day to day battle not to fall back into that way of thinking.

But today took a step forward and admitted to my husband that I'm lonely.  I don't know if he took me seriously or not but he did tell me to get out more.  I'd like to have him figure out how I'm supposed to do that when he's off fishing half the time and the rest of the time he's at school (we only have one car).  So baby steps right.  Reconnect online, check!  Admit the way I'm feeling to someone other than myself, check!

I have to say though, if it wasn't for church I probably wouldn't have gotten back onto Facebook (it was peer pressure I tell you) or be socializing at all whether it be virtual or actual.  I really look forward to Wednesday night Bible Study and church on Sunday 'cause I actually get to see people and talk to them.  I'm probably just feeling extra mopey today because I didn't make it last night. It was snowing pretty hard, my youngest wasn't feeling well and to be frank neither was I.

So I'm trying to be better.  Trying to overcome my demons.  I just hope that I can make a real connection with people who will love me for me and not judge me.  That's all I really ask for.

And that my friends is Kristi's introspective rant for the day.  And I'm not going to spell check or re-read it cause I'm a rebel like that.  Thank you and have a good night. :)

Apr. 24th, 2013

Pray for Me This Day.

It's only 7 in the morning here in cold cold Colorado, but it's already been a really bad morning.  I'm honestly feeling oppressed this morning.  I'm angry and I'm just heartbroken.  I haven't felt like this in a long time.  I feel the need to escape.  I really do.  It's just one of those days.

So if anyone actually reads my blog, I'm reaching out to you and asking for your prayers and well wishes this morning.  I feel like I'm going to burst into tears this morning. The way I acted as not me and I ended up yelling at my kids and cursing out my husband.  Another consequence of spiritual warfare?  Probably.  It also doesn't help that I'm extremely tired and feel like I'm coming down with a cold.

Apr. 23rd, 2013

We All Go a Little Crazy Sometimes

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13 NIV

For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. Romans 6:14 NIV

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free. Luke 4:18 NIV

This is going to continue my so far series/updates on the current state of my spirit driven spiritual warfare.  Again I write thing free flow.  I don't really edit.  So sorry if I go off on tangents but I really feel this is something I needed to post today.

As I stated in yesterdays post, Sunday night after I was done praying I felt this oppressive darkness that just made me feel like I needed to pray harder and quote scripture.  Well last night, it happened again.  Not only did I get feelings to make my hair stand on end, when I left my bedroom to pull a fresh loaf of bread from the oven (the minute I stepped into the hallway) I heart a growl. I couldn't dismiss this as my stomach as I wasn't hungry.  The growl sounded from right next to me so it wasn't the dog as she was in the living room with my husband (who was sleeping) and my kids were safely tucked into their beds.  But the thing is, I didn't feel fear, I didn't feel nervous   I just declared that Jesus had His hand over me and repeated that verse from Psalms 23 again.  The feeling eventually went away.

This morning however, my children had just left the house to walk to the bus stop, the dog was tucked away on the couch and I was finally sitting at my computer checking emails and Facebook when I felt something brush past my leg.  Just a light gentle brush but there as nothing there and nothing that could have brushed against me.  So now things are getting really weird around here.

At this point, I know what I'm doing, what I'm praying is having an effect and these things that have dug their claws in just will not let go.  I will not bow down.  I will not be swayed.  I will keep praying and keep war-faring as long as God has put it in my heart to do so.

This is not my first rodeo with the darkness and its forces.  That is actually my coming to Jesus story.  I don't tell a lot of people this story for he sheer fact that if you have no belief in the supernatural, this would seem rather far fetched.  But it is what it is.

I was living on Ft Carson at the time.  I was just starting to come to belief in the faith.  My friend across the street was what you would think about as a typical bible thump-er   She knocked on my door, preached to me.  She did make friends with me even though I was very secular at the time.  But the biggest blow to my current thinking and current way of living came during a party. My friend was upset with her husband so she basically said, "F... it." to her belief system.  She got fed up and said that if her husband wanted to be apart of the "world" well she would be too.  She got rip roaring drunk, stumbled off, almost cut herself on glass in a trash can.  It was a mess.  Eventually I went home to my house across the street after leaving her in the care of our other two friends.  I had a husband and baby at home that I needed to take care of, the other friends with her didn't.  So not too much time passes when I get a knock on my door, it's one of my friends and they said that our drunk friend was being possessed and she felt she needed to come and get me.  She felt led that I needed to be there.  Well I was floored, I was barely even a baby Christian.  I don't think I even cracked open a bible at that point.  What the heck was I supposed to do?  But I obediently followed her over there.  I don't even recall what I was thinking at the time.  All I knew was that had a friend in need and they needed me there to help.

What followed was the weirdest, freakiest, scariest night of my life to that point.  It was like watching the movie The Exorcist, live, minus the pea soup.  I was there for hours with the other ladies praying over her.  All I could really think of to do was repeat the name Jesus over and over and before the night was through the demon had a message for me.  I remember with clarity, my friend turning her head towards me but her eyes were just, I can't even describe it, and in a gravely voice that was not her own said, "And you will never come to Him."  Well I'm a rebel and don't like being told what to do so I went to church that following Sunday.  Best decision of my life.

Not saying that I have always been faithful to God.  But I know deep down in my soul that no matter how much I screw up He will love me.  He loved Moses, who murdered a man.  He loved David, who coveted another's wife and arranged for the man's death because of it.  He loves me and that's a joy no demon, principality, darkness whatever can ever take away.

That incident was not my last time dealing with dark forces.  I swear something had it's hooks into that particular area of post.  So much junk happened there it was literally crazy and I was SO glad to move in 06.  I mean when your neighbor threatens to shoot you with a shot gun because they got CPS called on them (which you didn't do) because their 2 year old was outside, up the street naked again... It's time to move.

Seriously though, it's getting weird here.  But again, I'm going to use it as encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing.  God has called me to prayer for a reason and so I'm going to pray.  I'll just keep you updated on what is going on.  Any more weirdness and I will post about it.


By the way, do you know how many times I was interrupted while writing this and how many times my computer freaked out?  I'm telling you, CRAZY!

Apr. 22nd, 2013

Week of Prayer: Spiritual Warfare Continued.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 NIV

I don't have to say it, this week was to poor it crudely, a trip.  First was the bombings in Boston a week ago and the media circus that followed. Then the tragedy in West, TX.  Then there were multiple shootings here in Colorado and on top of that the avalanche that happened Saturday, killing 5 people.

I honestly feel like there is a storm brewing   I'm not writing this to be a harbinger of death and destruction but I feel there is something stirring and it has caused me to pray more fiercely and more often than before.  I pray every night and morning for those effected by the events in Boston and Texas.  I pray so hard for the families of the survivors and the dead. I pray with enthusiasm for God miraculous healing. We don't always see that healing on a physical level but with the events that unfolded last week, people aren't going to just need healing on a physical level, but a mental and spiritual one as well.

"When desperate people give up on God Almighty, their friends, at least, should stick with them" Job 6:14 The Message

Notice that scripture says, when desperate people give up on God Almighty.  Just because we give up on God, because of our circumstances, that doesn't mean that God has given up on us. I have been there.  I have given up on God.  But He has always and will always love me.  Agape.

But I digress, again.  I really get off on tangents.

Last night, as I was praying before bed, I just let God's spirit flow and direct me in what to pray for.  I was flowin' last night and after I finished praying, as I laid back and tried to get some sleep, I felt this oppressive darkness come over me.  I have NO clue what it was.  But my last prayer were for the GAC guys: Aaron, Nick, Zak, Billy, and Jay and their families.  I felt led to really pray hard for them because they are getting ready to do a new lockdown.  I tell you, this darkness that I felt was suffocating and I just had to pray some more until I felt it lift.  All I could think to pray was:

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for though art with me" Psalms 23:4a KJV

So I just repeated that over and over until I felt the oppressiveness recede.  And I tell you what, it's been a LOOOONNGGGG time since I had felt anything like that.  The last time was when I lived on post.  That place was cray-cray town.

But I do have to say, that it is an honor to pray for those whom God leads me to.  Whether I ever meet the people I pray for or not (and I pray for a lot of people I don't actually know), God has put you into my heart for a reason. He knows what He's doing.

Despite the darkness that invaded my prayer time yesterday, I will soldier on with the full armor of God to clothe me (Ephesians 6:14-17), His spirit to guide me, and His words to ground me.

If anyone actually reads this, and you have a prayer request please feel free to contact me via Livejournal or twitter.  I would love to pray for you.

Also, I know I jump topics a lot.  Sorry for my word vomit.  I try to tie it all together.  Doesn't always work though.

Apr. 20th, 2013

Accomplished: The First 5K!

So today at my kiddos school was the first annual, Cowboy fun(d) run.

Photo: Kiddos started strong.... Oh well at least we weren"t last.  ;)

We had a blast!  Well at least I did.  You could choose to do the 5K or the 1 mile.  I was all up for doing the 1 mile because we had the kiddos with us and because my husband insisted on bringing the new puppy.  What did hubby decide to do right at the point where the 1 mile turned off from the 5K? You guessed it, made us walk the 5K.  I had to admit, having never done a 5K or walking over 1 mile (in an extremely long time), I was hesitant.  But you know what, it wasn't that bad.  I told my husband as we were finishing up the "race" that if I could do that, the I could totally do the short trail up the Manitou Incline.  I think I was being a little hasty but the Manitou Incline is one of my long term goals.

We finished in just over an hour. We had to stop a lot because my oldest kept complaining about sore feet.  Well she wore chucks instead of walking shoes, go figure that her feet would get sore.  And my youngest was complaining about being tired (after running around the field for 30 minutes prior to the race starting).  Her daddy carried her for a while. It was kinda funny, she sucked him in with those eyes...    

I'm all kinds of excited for my next "race".  We are planning to do the American Heart Association Heart Walk on June 1st.  I'm really looking forward to that.  Maybe this first 5K has created a monster?  I told my husband that maybe the next 5K, I'll actually run it.  I think I may have gone crazy today.  Wish me luck!

Apr. 17th, 2013

Journey to the Dash


Have you heard of The Dirty Dash?

I never did until this year.  It seems like my friend are all doing 5Ks this year. Some are doing The Glow Run or Color me Rad and they all look like so much fun.  But the problem is those two are soon.  I've just started trying to get back into shape and I'm really in no condition to do a 5K.  I say that but I'm participating in one this weekend as a fundraiser for my daughters' elementary school.

Anyhow, I heard about The Dirty Dash and really, it sounded like so much fun.  Run through mud?  Really.  Sweet sign me up.  Obstacle course?  Sweet sign me up.  But again the problem is my physical fitness level.  I can walk a mile no problem but my upper arm strength is pretty much non-existent.  So I've started walking daily.  I'm trying to build up my cardio to the point where I can get back on the elliptical again and not die.  I spent 5 minutes on it the other day and I got light headed and collapsed on the floor for 30 minutes.  Yeah thats not good.

I have been slowly and steadly losing weight with small changes to my diet but I haven't really been physical in a while.  So I'm walking, eating better and working out with my balance ball (maybe work up to weights soon) and once I feel confident that I'm on the right track, I'm totally going to sign up for this.  My friend is putting a team together and I want in.  I have until August, the race isn't going to be anytime soon so I have time.  Wish me luck!!

Apr. 16th, 2013

Reflections on April 15th, 2013.

*This is my personal opinion. I'm not sorry if you are offended.  It is my opinion and everyone has a right to their own opinion.  Do not flame*


"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is praiseworthy- think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

Yesterday the world watched what started as a happy event, turn into tragedy.  The news about the bombings at the Boston Marathon, went viral just minutes after it occurred.  I was heart sick watching the live feed from Boston and prayed fiercely as the numbers of the injured and dead began to climb.

As a Christian, one of the hardest things is when people ask you why.  Why did God allow such a tragedy to occur?  Why would a loving God allow an 8 year old child to die in the manner that they did?   I honestly have no answer that someone would want to hear.  I am not God, I can't determine why He allows these things to happen. But I do know (and when I told my husband this, who is a non-believer, it pissed him off to no end), God always has a plan and He will bring about something beautiful from this tragedy.

Events like yesterday are tragic, yes.  Are they horrible?  Yes.  Do they make me sick?  Yes.  Do they make me want to tear my hair out and cry, "Why God?"?  Yes.  But despite all this, we have to chose to look at the positive   If we don't we find our minds and emotions swimming in the cesspool of humanity.

The bombing yesterday was not a God thing, what happened afterward was.  Out of this catastrophe, people rose up to help their fellow man. They housed the displaced, they donated blood, they went to the hospitals to provide aid.  People came out of the crowds to tend to the injured.  Whoever perpetrated the events of yesterday, I have no words for them.  They wanted to create chaos and make a point, they did.  They wanted to disrupt a happy event and do damage, they did.  But you cannot break people so easily.  People saw this and reacted in a positive way.  People unite under hardship.  And that's what I choose to take away from yesterdays events.  If I focus on all the misfortune of yesterday, I think I'd drown.  If I focus on all the misfortune of yesterday, whoever set off those bombs wins.

Will I continue to be heartsick over the situation?  Yes.  Will I continue to pray for those that witnessed yesterdays events?  Yes.  Will I continue to pray for the injured and their families?  Yes.  Will I continue to pray for the families of those who lost their lives?  Yes.  In fact,. I balled my eyes out doing just that this morning.  But that doesn't mean that I can't focus on the goodness of people instead of the bad.

If you are on Twitter, make sure to use these to show your support:
#PrayForBoston
#WeLoveBoston

Further Reading:
James 1:2-12
Romans 8:28-39
Philippians 4:4-9

Apr. 15th, 2013

Spiritual Warfare: The Consequences Part Duex

Prayer Warrior: a person who is committed to praying for others whether that be one person, a group of people or even a geographical region.  Prayer warriors see themselves as engaged in spiritual battle with satanic forces.
You know, life is really funny sometimes.  I know I posted a while ago about being led to pray for the GAC crew.  And not just the main investigators but their families and co-workers as well.  So anywho, I had been feeling led for a good week to write off a letter and send it to them.  Yesterday, after I got home from Church (Pastor Paul's message basically confirmed what I was being led to do on a number of different things), I finally wrote the letter and sent it off.

Last night, despite being extremely tired from being so active over the weekend, I couldn't sleep.  I don't remember any specific dreams or reasons why I kept waking up but I did.  And even last night aside, I got into another shouting match with my husband on Saturday after I got home from doing volunteer work for the church.  I swear there are just forces out there that don't want things to get done and keep trying to discourage me.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me.  I volunteer with a project through my church called Restoration House (its a program that helps families in need get back on their feet through counseling, financial assistance and housing.).  It seemed to me that every time I made progress with something to do with Restoration house, some part of my life would just tank.  I chose at that point to not be discouraged.  I knew I was on the right path.  Even today, I got several scriptures from several difference sources confirming that what I was doing was something in line with God's plans for me.  The Devil and his dark forces, don't want God's work to be done.  They will do anything to stop it.  The first battleground is always the mind, through doubts and negative thoughts.  The second battle ground seems to be the home (your family), causing strife and discord in your house to interrupt your peace.

I choose today to push through the strife, the discord, the malice, the sleepless nights and anything else that is thrown at me.  God never asks us for more than we can deliver and He never gives us more than we can handle (though sometimes it seem that way).
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"I will make you into a great nation
an I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."
Genesis 12:2-3

I choose to hold tight to God's promises when negative junk comes my way.  I pray so hard everyday to be a blessing.  I want to effect positive change in the world.  I just don't know the specifics yet.  But God does and I will continue to follow His lead and His commands.  He will get me there.

Apr. 14th, 2013

My Faith vs My Friends

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has
never sinned throw the first stone!” John 8:7 New Living Translation


So I've been thinking a lot about something lately.  Probably over thinking it, but that's just me.

I have a friend from high school.  He was the only guy in my group of friends.  He dated my other friend during senior year. After high school, he came out of the closet and recently he married his long time boyfriend.

Problem: Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Problem: I love my friend and I'm just happy that he's happy.

Lesson: Love.

So Jesus, loved the sinners.  He came for the sinners.  He hung out with the tax collector and prostitutes and the adulterers.  Jesus loves the sinners.  He died for the sinners.  He died for us because He loved us despite all of our transgressions.  Jesus was perfect.  The rest of us...not so much.

In the story about the adulterous woman (John 8), Jesus called for anyone who had never sinned to throw the first stone.  Everyone walked away.  The only one who, under His request, that could have thrown a stone would have been Himself and He chose not to.  He forgave her, her sins.  No one sin is greater than any other sin.  Sin is sin and none of us can cast any stones.  So therefore, I chose to love on my friend, and offer my congratulations and continue to pray.  I can't condemn him for his sins because I have just as many.

If people loved on each other instead of judging each other based on our personal moral codes, the world would be a much better place.

Apr. 10th, 2013

Venetucci Farm

Read this article.

http://www.gazette.com/articles/farm-153318-water-colorado.html

Venetucci Farm has been a staple in Colorado Springs for decades. I've visited their farm, I've shopped at their farm stand and my kids have been to get the free pumpkins around Halloween. Now, this place is in danger of closing up shop for the season because they can't get water for their crops. To me it's such a tragedy.

I honestly don't know what I can do to help at this point except donate money. There are so many projects close to my heart that I want to help financially but this is not the season where I can realistically do it. It sucks to want to be able to help but at the same time at a loss on how to do so.

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